Monday, 10 January 2011

Last gasp....

I was clearly on Santa's naughty list this year as he didn't bring me any will power or a gorgeous hunk of a man to use for recreational exercise.  My sister and I were both despairing about the invasion of the body snatchers who seem to have no intention of returning our once sylph-like bodies to us any time soon and talking about (I'm whispering this word) diets – the pros and cons of slimming clubs, exercise classes etc. (I was also ignoring the glass of wine in my hand and the voices in my head reminding me that there was still a substantial amount of cheese left in the fridge).   Anne blames her weight problems on the menopause demons but since I am not there yet I can't blame anyone but myself!  

Last year the boys' birthday card to me said "inside me is a skinny woman trying to get out" and inside "but I can usually keep the bitch quiet with cookies"!  Now, I was most offended at such insults I have to tell you.  For one, there is definitely not a skinny woman anywhere in my genetic makeup.  The only times I've ever been skinny were when I was going through jaw surgery and divorce.  Secondly, I do not eat many cookies.  I am much more of a cake girl!  

We concluded that public humiliation might be the only motivation that would work. However, not wanting to spend precious £s per week for that privilege and add another tyranny to the list of 'things to do' each week we resolved to run our own slimming club.  We had our 'last gasp' last night at Heidi's for our belated Secret Santa evening – the rules being that our gifts had to be: something for £1, something from a charity shop and something we made.   We were all very lucky with our gifts and it was a really nice evening.

Heidi and Anne and the lovely Laura
Heidi, Anne, Laura, Linda, Rosella and Livvy (what on earth had Livvy said to cause her mother's reaction???)
Lovely Jilly and a perhaps repentant Livvy?

Anne had also kindly volunteered me to take one of my American Cheesecakes. As we all know any dessert with any combination of the words American, cheese or cake in it – let alone all three together is not going to be low calorie. So, last gasp it was! 
A few calories on a plate complete with twinkly silver stars and sparkly dust
However, I was feeling quite good as I had put on my new Pilates DVD yesterday morning (it was a little on the snug side).  There are 5 ten minute workouts which you can do individually or combine.  I started with the Abs - the teacher is AMAZING.  I didn't realise our bodies were capable of doing such things.  Well, I say 'our' but really I mean her.   She may have amazing body control but she is clearly not a very attentive teacher as she said I was doing really well whereas I mostly just wobbled and flailed around on the floor wondering if I would ever be able to raise my shoulders off the floor and walk my hands up my raised (smooth) legs to grip my ankles (and breathe at the same time)!  I have to say though that this morning I could feel aches in pains in a few extra places.  Maybe there really are muscles in my lower abdomen!!

Let them eat cake, I say.  Me?  I shall be wearing black until such time as I can look at my naked form without recoiling in horror.

Tomorrow I shall show you some of the things that Santa did bring me so I can't have been too bad in 2010 (or maybe he just didn't notice!)

Red sky at night, Shepherd's Delight, Red Sky in the morning, Shepherd's warning  - this morning's sky as I made my cuppa



  1. Brilliant! That made me laugh out loud :-D

    I would like to say that Santa was very remiss in his failure to deliver a man for recreational purpose as the additional excerise would have negated the need for a d*et!! Bad Santa.

    I'm also pretty sure that stars and sparkly dust when combined with cake have the magical effect of significantly reducing the quantity of calories in the aforementioned cake.

    Finally I'd also like to say that I think excerise in most cases, and in DVD form in particular, is the work of the devil and should only be observed from the safety of the couch whilst securely grasping a glass of wine for revival purposes.

    None the less you have my whole hearted support in these persuits!

    Em xx

  2. I'm proud of you, Jules! I'm sending Mr D over immediately to congratulate you in person! Please do keep him for as long as you like...I'm exhausted! xxxxx

  3. Brilliant post - love the secret santa party idea as well.

    I think I probably have more than most to loose when it comes to weight, yet, as I sit here reading your blog, i have my second sausage roll warming through in the microwave...mmmmm


  4. Love the idea of a "last gasp" night! I am getting ready to start an exercise class called "BOOT CAMP"!! Can you even imagine?!! Good luck with your slimming challenge - we can cheer each other on!



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